1. You must learn to pronounce the city name. It is "U-stun". To pronounce it as "Hugh-stun", only labels you as a foreigner or a newcomer which is about the same thing to a native!

2. Forget all traffic rules that you learned elsewhere. Houston has its own version of traffic laws: Hold on and pray! And don't let the newscasts mislead you - there is no such thing as a dangerous, high-speed chase in Houston! We all drive like that. You have to in order to stay out of "their" way.

3. All directions begin with "Go down to Loop 610", which by the way, has no beginning and no end.

4. The morning rush hour is from 6:00 to 10:00 AM, The evening rush hour is from 3:00 to 7:00 PM. Friday's rush hour starts Thursday morning.

5. If you actually stop at a yellow traffic light, you will be rear-ended, cussed out and/or possibly shot. When yours is the first car at a traffic light when it turns green, do not proceed until you count to five - this will help you avoid getting hit by all those who are running the cross-traffic's red light.

6. Kuykendahl Road can be pronounced only by a native. Don't even go there.

7. Construction on I-10, I-45, US-59 and Loop 610 is a way of life and a permanent form of entertainment. I've lived here since 1950 and I-45 has been under construction ever since that time.

8. Every major road has two names (i.e. I-45 South is Gulf Freeway; US-59 is Southwest Freeway; I-10 West is Katy Freeway). That is so newcomers won't be able to determine where the wrecks and the slick, rainy roads are, even after they hear the traffic and weather reports.

9. All unexplained sights and smells are accounted for by the phrase, "Oh, we must be in Pasadena!".

10. If someone has their turn signal on, the car probably has a factory defect. It could also mean that a service attendant was inspecting the car an hour ago.

11. All old Ladies with blue hair driving pink Cadillac's have total right-of-way!

12. The minimum acceptable speed on Loop 610 is 85. Anything less is considered downright sissy. Beltway 8 has no limits; it's where the professionals come to practice for NASCAR.

13. The wrought iron on the windows of homes in east Houston is not ornamental.

14. Never stare at the driver of the car with the bumper sticker that says, "Keep honking, I'm reloading". In fact, don't honk or stare at anyone.